I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
