so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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