im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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