I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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