Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
