is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
