just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
