I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
