A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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