There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
