WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
