hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
