FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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