Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
