Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
