If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
