dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
