k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
