Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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