I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
