Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
