DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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