U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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