Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
