There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
