i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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