I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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