i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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