Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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