My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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