I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize