I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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