yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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