Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
