God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
