What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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