I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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