Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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