Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
