when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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