I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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