I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
