i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
