So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
