I'm jealous of your bromance
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
