i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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