I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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