he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
someone owes me an orgasm
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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