Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love you. Go after that dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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