He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
