Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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