thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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