Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
