Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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