making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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