I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
