he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
