Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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