I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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