First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
