i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
