I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
