a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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