Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
