I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
