just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
